Guest blogger, Carole Galassi, is the Creative Director of The Funeral Program Site. I was fortunate to speak with her at length one day over the phone, and reviewed the website during our conversation. Without a doubt, I can see why it is a popular resource for families all across the globe for funeral programs and related templates, memorial gifts, and printing services. 

In this post, Carole writes eloquently about the importance of funeral programs, and gives readers real “food for thought”. See what you think – and be sure to leave your comments! 

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Funerals are never easy. Balancing all of the details that need to be resolved while battling the onset of grief is overwhelming at best. As a result, sitting down to plan a funeral can be a significant challenge, and it is easy to overlook some of the smaller details. When planning a funeral however, make sure you do not forget to include a well-designed and thoughtful funeral program. There are several advantages to having a program at a funeral, and if done well, it will add an important level of closure and peace to the event.

A funeral program is a wonderful way of honoring your loved one who has recently passed away. A classic program that avoids cluttered and gaudy images details the order of events and highlights the importance of the celebrated person to those who are attending. A funeral program serves as a reminder of the beautiful life that was lived, and focuses the attendees’ attention to the positive memory of the person who has passed.

Many funeral programs include inspirational quotes, prayers, and highlights of the life of the deceased. These texts aim to offer a sense of encouragement and support in a time of undeniable grief. While a funeral program can never bring back a loved one, or even truly remove the pain that comes with a passing, it can provide a way to receive closure and provide the bereaved family a wonderful keepsake.

If guests do not receive a program when they arrive, the funeral can be a challenge to follow. When grieving, it is invaluable to have a sense of order and know what is coming next. Providing a funeral program helps those attending the funeral know approximately how long the event will last, and what they should be prepared for. This can be most helpful for those not familiar with the flow of a funeral or memorial ceremony.

When guests receive a funeral program, it allows them to focus their attention on something other than the event around them if needed. Burying one’s head in a program allows a guest to block out the noise and people around them if it proves to be too much to bear. In providing a funeral program, you allow those attending to either fully invest in the order of events or simply have something to read mindlessly as the grief sets in. Both are invaluable.

Another advantage of a funeral program is that it allows those attending the funeral to take something away from the occasion. Death is so final that it often leaves loved ones grasping for closure and something tangible to which they can hold on to. A funeral brings closure to those who need it, and the program serves as a reminder of that. A funeral, while sad, is a beautifully important occasion for loved ones and a program that is well thought out should reflect that.

With so many people involved in the delivery of a funeral, it is important that all involved are on the same page. A funeral program is an excellent way to set the mood and tone for the occasion. Depending on the desires of the friend or relative who passed, each funeral takes on a different atmosphere. Some aim at celebrating as much as possible, while others focus on allowing loved ones to grieve in a more somber setting. The funeral program reflects which direction the funeral is heading, and also allows those who are delivering eulogies and sharing memories to stay on track with the order of events.

I’ve been blessed to come to know Shawne Duperon, and I want to “pay it forward” because I know that introducing you all to her work will bless you as well.

She is heart-driven, creative, and empowered to achieve (sound familiar?) But, just like the rest of us, she still needs the support of other remarkable women – and who is more remarkable that you?! No one.

Please, take some time to view the video, and if you can, contribute (even if it’s just a dollar). They are almost at their goal…let’s all push together to make this film a reality!

My friend, Viktoria Vidali, of Greetings with Heart and Images for Renewal, is publishing an essay on the Images for Renewal site early next week, which I wrote for especially for her about my recent trip to China. Titled “Sitting in the Sacred Space between Gratitude and Awe,” the essay has to do with the spiritual path I walked (and rode, while on the subways of Beijing and Shanghai) during my stay there. As the most recent picture of me that we had was from two years ago, when I weight 36 pounds more than I currently do, I thought – let’s take a new picture! (Warning #1: ego is stepping in!)

As the editor of Mortuary Management was looking for a new picture of me for a monthly column I write, I thought the timing would be perfect. (Warning #2: forgetting “perfection” is not in the realm of human achievement!)

So, yesterday I asked my 22-year old son, Nathan, to take some pictures of me. (Warning #3: thinking he would have the visual clarity, and courage to tell me when I didn’t look “so good”!) And you’re looking at the best of the pictures he took…and yes, one of them will appear with my essay this coming week on Viktoria’s site. She thinks they’re pretty good, while all I see is my lost youth…and (despite the fact that I’m very happy – happier than I was when I was 20!) grieve for…myself? Odd. 

Gloria Pitzer was so right when she said, “About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.” It really does just sneak in, and overtake you – I think while you sleep; at least when you’re not looking! Coming to a place where I can truly accepting the reality of who I am in this moment, just six weeks away from 58, is my spiritual practice for today; aided by the words of the wonderfully powerful Betty Friedan (now taped to my office wall):

Aging is not ‘lost youth’ but a new stage of opportunity and strength.

Amen to that. So, repeat after me…“Aging in not ‘lost youth’ but a new stage of opportunity and strength.” Again…just kidding.

Blessings to all my wonderful women friends, young and old alike. I treasure your presence in my life.

Rabbi Schacter Shalomi says that one of the main reasons we’re so awkward around the topic of death in our country is because during the last 100 years we’ve taken it to the hospital. I believe that this is true. Many years ago, death took place in family’s homes and death and birth were more a part of people’s lives. But now, we’ve tended to take illness – and therefore – death to the hospital; and in the hospitals, the health care professionals are taught to “fix” and heal, literally at all costs! It’s a pretty sad state of affairs that we’re in, although hospice is slowly but surely – one person and/or family at a time – helping to mend the situation.

I became more interested in hospice and the area of death and grief after my mother died when I was 34 years old. Then, a few years later, when I was discovering that the joy was going out of me as a parish minister, the word “hospice” literally came to me in a meditation. And I paid attention. I started knocking on hospice doors, and the Group Health Hospice door opened. I walked through, and my life has never been the same since! I have learned so much from hospice work; I have also grown immeasurably spiritually through hospice spiritual & bereavement counseling work. And it seemed that the joy started coming back into my life as soon as I started doing this work I was meant to do! I took to the work like a fish to water.

I’ve written about my experiences with hospice. The title of my first book, The Last Adventure of Life, was inspired by one of my patients early on in the work who told me one day: “You know Maria, I’m looking forward to the last adventure of life!” It is a collection of inspiriational stories, scripture, prayers, meditations, and holistic modalities to help people see how we can develop a new perspective around death – one that is not so fearful and scary, superstitious and out of our control. My second book, The Most Important Day of Your Life? shares my personal story of how doing hospice work so opened up my spiritual life and helped me to see everything in my life in a new light. I’ve discovered that as we face and work through our fears, we can overcome them, because they are usually just boogiemen hiding in the closet.

Right now I happen to be reading a few other books that you might find of interest, if you haven’t already. One is called Heaven Is for Real, the other Peaceful Passing: Die When You Choose with Dignity & Ease. The first book is by a minister, Todd Burpo, who’s young son Colton went through an emergency appendectomy. Colton miraculously survived the ordeal, but what his family didn’t find until some time later is that he had had a near death experience and met Jesus in heaven, for example. This is a delightful, well written story about how piece by piece, Colton shares with his parents what took place during his “visit in heaven”.

Peaceful Passing is a very different kind of book by Robert S. Wood. Robert is a self-made man who began his career in journalism. He became interested in all aspects of life, especially the more natural, holistic life. He’s written books on homeopathy, fun, success, and (goodbye to) loneliness. In Peaceful Passing he uses in part the material from “Abraham,” channeled by Esther Hicks, to suggest how we can take control of our easy, fear-free death by gently releasing our life force – with grace and ease.

Thank you for the good, caring, important work that you do for many who are caught up in the web of death and grief in our society. We all need your gentleness, compassion, and love – especially here in the United States. I would be delighted to hear from any of you!

Blessings of Peace, Light, Love, & Harmony,

Maria

Rev. Maria Dancing Heart Hoaglund is a UCC minister, author, and spiritual counselor with hospice of many years. She has recently moved from the Great Northwest to Sedona, AZ where she is also enjoying doing holistic energy work with people moving through all kinds of transitions. She is delighted to be using her Japanese with the tourists from Japan who visit Sedona as well. You can see more about her work at: www.changewithcourage.com, www.soulbaskets.com (her Soul Bundles), and in an Examiner.com article. You can also reach her directly at info@changewithcourage.com. 

With that said, the Association of Women Funeral Professionals exists to do exactly the same things for our members. We have an eclectic membership, ranging from mortuary college students, licensed professional directors, embalmers, and pre-need advisers, to the entrepreneurial women who provide us with noteworthy products and services. And we’re growing every day. Yet, we are still looking for new ways to motivate and inspire the many women in the field to speak up, speak out, and influence the profession. For our current members, as well as those women who have yet to join – here’s the call-to-action: send me one paragraph, or two, answering the following questions:

1. Why are you  in funeral service (or plan on a career in this field)?

2. What is your #1 career-related goal? 

Send a photo of yourself, with your affiliate business or mortuary college name, along with your paragraph to me, at kim@wfpconnect.com. I’m going to put together a blog post with all your comments.

And while we’re at it – let’s hear from the professional men! How about answering this question:

1. What things do you think women bring “to the (funeral service) table”?

Again, a photo of you, with your firm or college name, would be great! Send your comments to me at the above email address.

Thank you!

Here’s a special offer to all new members.

The first 12 people who join the AWFP before the end of the week will receive a free copy of 101 Great Ways to Enhance Your Career.  You can join at either the professional level or the Student level. Such a deal! The book sells online for $19.95 – and with over 300 pages of career-enhancing tips, it’s a real value.

Just a few more words…remember, in this time of constant change, and what feels like uncertainty, strive to be like bamboo; strong through flexibility. Bend, with the ever-shifting wind. And know that your inner strength, just like that of bamboo, is phenomenal.

Recently I wrote about the power of LinkedIn to connect with funeral professionals around the world. Many of those I’ve “met” in this digital landscape are innovative creative thinkers. One such person is Kate Hamilton. She and her sisters responded to a common problem in their world (which happens to be Ireland) by developing a product I think you’ll want to add to your service offerings. It’s very affordable, useful, and dare I say it – elegantly solves a common problem.

Differentiating the Survivors

While I know funeral directors and assistants do their best to publicly acknowledge the immediate family members at funeral and memorial services, sometimes the unthinkable happens. A guest arrives, ignorant of the information they need to express their condolences to the right people. They are confused and uncomfortable. They feel their presence to be less than valuable to those they intended to support. And sometimes they tell me that they’ll “never go through that again,” and vow never to attend another funeral. From our perspective, that’s an outcome we’d rather avoid.

Kate, through Mourning Cross (www.mourningcross.com)the company she and her sisters founded, present us with a way to make the experience as profoundly meaningful for the survivors and their guests, as we want it to be. They offer black stainless steel lapel pins, available either in the familiar cross, or (and this is my favorite) a simple circle of black, each featuring a white dove taking wing. They are preparing to announce the release of a white version of each, especially for the family who has lost a child.

According to their brochure, these pins were “developed to be worn by the immediate family members of the deceased to help visitors to the wake and funeral identify the appropriate family members with whom to sympathize.” Simple solution to an often complex problem; and, they make nice keepsakes.

Thanks to LinkedIn, Kate and I have become as friendly as two people living thousands of miles apart can be. I have listened to her tell me about her commitment to this endeavor – and am reminded of the commitment of so many funeral professionals I come in contact with. This is, after all, a heart-driven business, and for some it goes one step further: it is their mission to respectfully tend the physical remains of the deceased, and ease the suffering of those left behind. Mourning Cross pins can help you do the work just that much more effectively.

Take a few minutes to visit their website, www.mourningcross.com. If you’re on LinkedIn, search for Kate Hamilton and connect with her. Get to know her – you’ll not regret the time spent in doing so, I promise.

While you’re there, be sure to visit the top navigation tab, “It’s My Time.” You’ll find this to be the title of a wonderful poem, which Kate tells me comforts many of the bereaved she’s met. Written by Jacky Newcomb, the six stanzas are written from the perspective of the deceased – as if they are taking the time to speak to those they’ve left behind. The last stanza reads:

Life is precious and although it’s not the same, it’s not your time.
Life will go on; I think you’ll find, it’s not your time.
I want you to promise that while I am away
You’ll love one another, I hope and pray you’ll
Understand my darling,
It’s my time, it’s my time…It’s my time.

Beautiful sentiments, to be sure. Life is precious, without a doubt – and our work allows us to experience the contrast, on a daily basis – so that we are keenly aware of just how precious it is, don’t you think?

And, next time you find yourself looking for ways to differentiate survivors from the crowd at your next funeral or memorial service, think of Mourning Cross. They offer us a new and decidedly elegant way to support our client families, both during and after the funeral.

I think these women reflect the best that we offer the world. Knowing Kate, and all the women I’ve met through the AWFP,  I’m continually reminded of  what Thomas D. Willhite said: “How do you say “thank you” for sunshine or health…for clear days or gentle rains…for happiness, joy or love? You say it by sharing what you have. You say it by making the world a better place in which to live.” Thank you, everyone, for your contributions to making the world a better place to live, one family at a time.

If you’d like to contact the women of Mourning Cross, please do so via email, at info@mourningcross.com.

At the age of 47 years I lost my job after 10 years in the pharmaceutical industry. I was living in northern New York at the time. After much searching for a new job I moved to NYC to try luck. Again, nothing. I decided to go back to school. Many of my co-workers were going back to school, most for either nursing or medical technology degrees. I decided to go with a little more creative path, a career in funeral service. I applied and was accepted to American Academy McAllister Institute of Funeral Services in New York City.

For one year (2011) I attended and finished my education. I was interviewed by More magazine for their article about women in funeral service and even though my picture did not make it into the article (thank God) I was referenced and cited in more than one occasion. My graduation will be in August 2012 with a Summa Cum Laude, 4.0 GPA. I took and passed my boards within a week of finishing school. I scored 91 in arts and 98 in sciences. I had visited local funeral homes trying to find a place to do my residency and one week after taking my boards I found a job at a funeral home.

Due to internal issues at the funeral home I was told after 4 weeks that having a resident was not working out for them and was let go. I received the papers from the state to begin my residency the same day I was let go. My school approached me to join the faculty and in January I began teaching Anatomy to first semester students. In May I will teach to last semester students. I have been unable to find another funeral home where to work as a resident and get my license.

I have taken my resume to more funeral homes than I can remember of. Have gone in person to speak to the owners and have sent follow up letters with no luck. I am serious about my funeral service career and I know I am doing this at a later stage in my life, but I still have many years of potential service given the opportunity. I am available to begin immediately and anywhere in New York City, but have no where to go. This is very upsetting and makes me feel sad for my students who are now venturing into this field with hopes to be able to make a living. As a last resource I accepted a job at a retail store in NYC in hopes that this will hold me until I find a job. How do I explain my story to my students without scaring them about their future?

I would love to hear from our student members on that last point. Granted, a dose of reality is good – but I think that what member Tracy Hamm Allen suggested is a good place to start. The moment you get accepted into mortuary college, start looking for a funeral home where you can volunteer your time, and grow your relationship with: grooming for a post-graduation position.

The Back Story

I applied for the California Funeral Directors Association yearly student scholarship for two reasons. My mother who has been my rock and constant source of support has paid for my entire college career so far out of her savings. This includes five years at Cal State Fullerton, and now my tuition and books at Cypress College. I am hoping to receive this scholarship so that next semester I will be able to pay my own tuition and take some of that burden from her. I owe it to her, and it would be fantastic to help someone who has helped me so much. Secondly, part of the scholarship includes an opportunity to attend the association’s yearly conference this summer in Newport Beach. This would provide a chance to take part in seminars, meet vendors and see new products that are being developed for our industry, and meet and develop new professional relationships with people working in the industry. This is my first time developing professional relationships and networking, and I can’t get enough. I have been lucky enough so far to meet and contact some incredible people. Plus, it’s a weekend in Newport Beach…during the summer…who wouldn’t want that?

The scholarship application process itself was not difficult. I filled out a form, wrote a personal statement describing myself and why I have chosen to pursue a career in the funeral service industry in California. I also was required to write an informal financial statement that shows the costs I will incur while attending school at Cypress College. Lastly, I received a formal statement of enrollment from our program director, Mr. Glenn Bower and a letter of recommendation from my Assistant General Manager at my current job. Piece of cake! The only part of the application process that I was nervous about was the personal interview.

When the “Big Day” Arrives

I woke up early, made sure I looked my professional best, and caffeinated myself. I had to make sure I was good and awake for my funeral service orientation class at 8 AM, and then my interview was scheduled for 11:30. I sat in our program office watching the clock and making small talk with other students who were waiting for their interviews. A sense of trepidation came over me as I sat there waiting. Many different thoughts raced through my head. I’m meeting with members of the board of the association, this is a big deal. There are second and third semester students who are applying, and I am a lowly first semester student. They have more experience, and are probably already working in the industry. What do I have that they don’t? Am I going to say the right things? Will they like me? This turned into near panic until Mr. Bower came out of his office and told me to breathe and “find my Zen moment.” I took a deep breath, started thinking positively, and started to focus on words of encouragement I had received from my mom, boyfriend, classmates and Kim. I asked Kim for encouragement, and she told me “I can’t wait to celebrate with you!” I decided to go with her words and approach this situation as if I already had the scholarship. Sure, I was nervous about the interview; but, I love talking to people and this is really what I want to do for my profession. I am passionate about becoming a funeral service provider, so talking about it should be easy!

Finally, it was my turn. I entered the conference room and introduced myself to Ms. Kathleen McLaughlin, Mr. Bart Torres, and Mr. HW Ragsdale, III. They were all very friendly and warm. This put me at ease, and I was no longer afraid of the “intimidating” board members I had made up in my mind. It’s amazing how much you can psych yourself out! The actual interview seemed to go by very quickly. I was nervous about the kind of questions they would ask me, but my answers came easily and they sounded great to me! For example, one of the questions was “what do you believe to be the biggest or most important part of working as a funeral professional?” My answer came naturally. The minor details of my answer are a little fuzzy, but the main part of it was “the most important part is a commitment to families. We are here to serve them during the most difficult part of their lives.” I feel pretty good about that one. It is the honest truth, and I feel this should be at the core of any person working in our industry. They also asked me about my past education, experience, and hobbies. When asked about what I plan on doing after I finish the program at Cypress College, I told them that I intend on completing my apprenticeship at a larger corporate facility, and then going from there. The purpose of an apprenticeship and your early career years is to find out what works for you, where you fit in, and which aspects of the profession you are truly great at. I was able to talk about my mentors I have found in the field, and my membership with AWFP. I told them that being a member is an incredible resource, and the connections I am able to make with incredible women are extremely important to me. I did realize that I talk with my hands a little too much, and I tend to sort of talk in circles when in an interview…but overall, I think I was able to get some great points across and give them a good impression of who I am and where I am going.

A Call for Good Wishes!
So please, send some good vibes my way and keep your fingers crossed for me. This scholarship would help me out so much, and I look forward to (hopefully) meeting some of you lovely ladies face to face this summer!

Kristan McNames

I often get asked why I decided to become a funeral director.  Some people ask this with one eyebrow cocked up and askew with their nose wrinkled and twitching like a rabbit.  I can almost see the statements and questions running through their head, “Couldn’t she find something normal to do… …

AWFP member, Jennifer Snyder, graduated from Mortuary College this past May, and was very disheartened by an unsuccessful job search. None the less, she took the classes related to the National Board exams, and just this past week I got an email from her where the subject line  says it all.  “I passed!”

Hello Kim,

WOW.  I am sooo excited and sooo relieved, I am just on cloud 9.   I truly think if it wasn’t for people such as you, I would have never made it.    your test taking skills really helped.  I did my usual poo poo.  I got an 89% for the arts section as a grade in the prep class.  I got an 90% on the final, I took the practice exam online for the arts section and scored an 86% and when I go to take the board I only scored a 78%.    but I did as you suggested, I flagged questions I wasn’t sure of and continued on with ones I did know and then strugled with the flaged ones after I did the rest of the test and just went back to them.   I was able to miss 36 questions and I had flagged 30!   so needless to say I was nervous.   but I did the process of elimination and at least got some of them right as I ended up with a 78!!!!!!   so in the end of the day, it doesnt matter if I scored a 75 or a 95 a pass is a pass!   so I now have passed the NBE.

Then yes, as you remembered I start my new job Monday!!  how awesome is this.  and its such a reputable place that people just dont leave.  the last one hired there has been there 8 years.   so he really treats his people like family.   he said that’s his goal.  so it must be true.   and best of all he made me feel so comfortable there’s like no pressure.    He said I expect you to make mistakes, he said all I ask is that you tell me so we can fix them together.   he also said when its time to take my state board he will will pay for the 1st time around.  If I fail its OK. but he said I would have to pay for the next test.  How fair is that?  Its like hes taking all the pressure off by saying its OK to fail, just keep trying.

wow, I just cant believe it.  dreams can come true   so I’m now off to the beach for the weekend for some rest and relaxation with my girl friend to celebrate.  its suppose to rain but who cares! I passed and have a great new job starting Monday.    thanks again for all your help and encouragement.   I know there may be times that you think you didn’t do a lot but trust me you did.   between helping with resume and giving advice for test taking, giving overall support and encouragement.   it all helped.   now I hope to make the AWFP proud of me and who knows maybe I can be a mentor someday and give some back.

Lots of Hugs,

Jen

I’m so proud to say that the support for Jen came not only from me, with my invaluable test taking tips (smile) and all-around encouragement,  but from Lacy Robinson, our Continuing Education Coordinator, and Adrianna Corral, our Member Benefits Coordinator, who has extensive experience with Resume-writing.

So, tomorrow, September 26th, Jen starts her first job as a funeral service professional. Now we all are aware she’s still in “learning mode,” as on-the-job training is as rigorous as anything she endured in the classroom. But, she’s on her way…despite months of despair and discouragement, her tenacity has paid off! If you find yourself discouraged, think of Jen. And, feel free to reach out to her. For those of you who’d like to do so…send me an email, and I’ll put you in touch with her. Even if you don’t take us up on that offer, don’t forget her words…”Don’t give up!”

And before I close this, I’d like to express my appreciation to Jen’s new employer – what a supportive guy!